Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Lafayette, La.

    Santa has a new contract

    Memo from Santa

    I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South Carolina, Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio, Louisiana or Alabama on Christmas Eve.

    Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.

    Differences such as:

    1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."

    2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave Miller Lite and pork rinds (or Peanuts) on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe, but cigarettes, so please have an ash tray handy.
    3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.

    4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Martin, on Elliott and Petty."

    5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"

    6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words " Back Off."

    7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"! and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.

    And Finally,

    8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents under the tree.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Santa Claus

  2. #2
    ABBOTT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Birmingham, AL / Lay Lake
    Pretty damn good Elli!!!!

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Randy has a new e-bay site
    By ph2ocraft in forum Polaris Open Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-29-2008, 09:44 AM
  2. Pistonwash has a new ski.
    By Pistonwash in forum Yamaha Open Discussion
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 02-14-2008, 09:43 PM
  3. Region 9 has a new race schedule
    By thesepaperwings in forum Race Events and News
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-30-2008, 03:18 PM
  4. PPG Has Some New Stuff
    By LeeMajors12 in forum 4-Tec Performance
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-30-2006, 01:45 PM
  5. Nater has a new video.....................
    By WATER WOODY in forum Open Discussion
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-28-2006, 09:18 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts